Giving Attention to What's Most Important
I quit drinking alcohol originally for pretty vain reasons, but then I had the worst shroom trip of my life 🤮
In February 2020, 5 months after quitting alcohol, I thought it was a good idea to go to Six Flags while high out of my mind on shrooms.
Before that trip, my stomach would hurt from time to time from my panic disorder, but it wasn't debilitating. After all, I had a 6-pack core from years of circus training to help support. But after that trip, I'd find myself curled up in a ball more times than I'd like to admit.
I didn't respect sobriety, and chose it here and there only to advance my dance career. I kept abusing psychedelics throughout 2020 thinking "if I just trip one more time, maybe I'll be able to deprogram myself out of feeling bad" 🙃
The worst part about it? I was aware of the pain but not of the root cause. My years in therapy weren't helpful. After working in a laboratory and becoming distrustful of the medical system, I felt like only nature or something God-like could save me. I started becoming painfully aware of how disconnected I had become.
In January 2021, I knew I had to leave Las Vegas and heal for real. I packed up all my belongings and drove to Arizona, and quickly found @lacunakavabar at a yoga and wellness event. I started drinking kava and it calmed my body down long enough to be able to actually hear myself think.
Then, I shifted my focus and attention. Everything else followed suit. I met my fiance. We adopted 2 beautiful shelter dogs. Unhealthy friends dropped like flies from my life left and right. My family reconnected. I found God.
It wasn't rainbows and unicorns though. Turns out, I had blocked out memories that started to resurface. I spent the next 2 years choosing to grow differently. I realized that city life was no longer for me. If I wanted to reconnect to life, I needed to connect with my truest nature.
I realized that I had been hypnotized to not want children, but the fact is, being in "mom energy" is when I am my best self.
I no longer accept everything. Instead, I give thanks and attention to what is most important.