All of us are trying to control something... but that manipulation does nothing except create resistance between us and our intuition. Only in the absence of that resistance can we truly see who we are, what we are capable of, and our place in this life.
In my case, control comes in the form of silence. I don't try to orchestrate the events of my life outside of the literal entertainment events I produce. I don't have a life plan. I kind of just do what I want when I feel compelled to. But I do tend to mentally slip away and fall silent when I'm overwhelmed with conflicting thoughts. I feel the paralyzing constriction of a truth bubbling up inside of me, and in order to feel I have some control, I tuck it deeper inside of a cage like a bird. The bird grows restless and I channel its energy into my dance. Somewhat satisfied, I've convinced myself that it's just part of the artistic process. Spoiler alert - this is trash and I will burn it to the ground.
I've learned to not be satiated by just the movement alone. The movement is just the beginning, it is the catalyst, it is a point of data but it sure as hell is not the conclusion. Now, I want to begin sharing the more vulnerable aspects of my art because I fucked up too much by caging myself in.
Today I danced until I cried. I listened to this love song on repeat until I convinced myself that I was the brave person I've always wanted to be; I am worthy of the love described in this song, even with all of my imperfections and idiosyncrasies. I will be granted even more access to that wealth of beauty when my every day actions and words consistently match this dance. Love is a state of flow that transcends any physical barrier.