What really *drives* you?
It could be anything from love, to a thirst for maintaining order, or maybe it's a search for an *ultimate answer* or to discover something new! For me - I love thinking about thinking.
I've reached the point of insanity I always deeply fetishized about in my younger dreams.
My greatest influences, Hunter S. Thompson and Ville Valo, helped me construct a very solid framework of understanding dark vs light, subjective vs objective, and being HONEST and intentional about where and when you exist on those overlapping *spectrums.* There is no absolute. Nor does there need to be.
In this photo I am performing in a jam packed room full of people. They're all staring at select intimate parts of my body while I stare at the ceiling in total peace, as if I were in my own bedroom. I always knew that no matter how many years may pass, the existential gap I feel, for lack of a better word, would never close. Because of the continuum discussed above, I'm content with the understanding that I can never truly understand what's happening outside of myself without bias or conviction. So I decided to learn how to dance with this paradigm, casting myself as the dominant lead. Free will is what fuels my fire.
I share this pretty sensitive detail with you because it's easy to get caught up in the entertainment value of performing for others, and forget why you're doing it for yourself. Every night that I smoke my post-performance cigarette, I always sigh heavily and feel the need to give a nod to this invisible dance partner - the warped and subjective / objective, light / dark reflection of myself.