Motivation vs. Inspiration

Happy #sundaybumday 🍑 Thanksgiving marks my final day of what I call "body vacation" which basically means it is the beginning of competition / intense performance season! I was unapologetically eating and drinking what I wanted from mid-August until now. What does this look like for me? "On" season = greens, protein, healthy carbs, very balanced meals, minimal alcohol, minimal sugar, eat at certain times of day, work out 5x/week, make an effort to smoke less cigarettes. "Off" season = Indulgence! Eat what I crave. Drink whenever I want. Luckily, my taste buds have shifted to desiring healthy foods every day! But I don't watch the *balance* of meals as closely. I live freely, I explore the world, I shift my identity back to my private, civilian self. As far as I'm concerned, "Marina Mars: Athlete" is tucked away into the closet and hibernating for 3 months, only pulled out during the occasional burlesque gig lol.

What's your motivation? What's your inspiration? Motivation = External. Inspiration = Internal. My motivation is to build a strong, healthy body that can get me out of any physically intense situation and can fight sickness with ease. I try to view my body as a tool instead of my identity. It is the vessel that gets me through this life. If it has a pimple, or doesn't live up to someone else's definition of magnificent, that's not a *me* problem. I see other strong women and their ability to scale tough obstacles and I just want to be like them. My inspiration comes from a very deep place of expression. I have panic disorder, which basically causes me to have an existential crisis on the daily. Due to this, nothing scares me BECAUSE everything engages my adrenaline. Going grocery shopping is the same as performing in front of a live audience. I live a life of extremes in the fast lane due to my million mile an hour brain. Dancing is one of the only things that slows me down and brings me peace (cuddling and hugging comes in a close 2nd place lol). It's been that way since I was 5 years old.

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