No, You're Not Crazy, Social Norms are Hard

I'd like to think I'm a decently intelligent human being. I have a lot of elements working in my favor to succeed. I followed *enough* of the rules to not *fail* in terms of what the social norm is here in the United States. But that still doesn't make it easy, because life isn't easy. (If someone makes it look that way, there's something else you're not quite seeing.)

I'm a mathematician - and here's why I quit (well... the corporate and traditional path anyways).

Me, August 3rd, 2015

University of Wisconsin - Madison

The feeling of vast emptiness in my heart that comes from doing something inauthentically is much worse than living with less money. It is true that someone with my degree from my university could live a very bountiful life.

I fell in love with mathematics because of the raw beauty that comes from observing the world's chaos and finding the symmetries and symphonies beneath it all. When I sit in a room full of math nerds that can play with logic to the level of unraveling some of the universe's most fundamental fabrics, tears begin forming in my eyes. I am enamored with this place we exist inside of. When I am observing it from a pure point of view, without the filter of the human condition, I am at peace.

When you ask me to use my talents to fuck someone over, squeeze out an extra penny, or write up a fail proof operating procedure that keeps your company from getting sued over something SO ASININE MY BRAIN GOES NUMB, I will walk away.

I'm a Millennial that is obsessed with living a life that means something, rather than surviving and finding means to an end. I feel things very intensely and do not apologize for it or yield to the pressure of what the matrix that is not ours wants from us. There is no shame in forging your own path.

You owe no one an answer when they ask "what's next?" as if what you're doing right now isn't good enough. You do not need to justify education with it being "the next step towards a career" because as a human being, the point in education is to revel in the life you live. There is no magic formula to happiness that works on everyone. We all have different tastes. We all have different curiosities.

If you make it up to the executive offices on the 15th floor, make more money than you know what to do with, and are happy, good for you! Yayayayayyy!!! There is nothing wrong with that. But if you still find yourself dissatisfied, ask yourself if you are living an authentic life.

👆 That was a revised excerpt of an archived post from a deactivated account dating back to October 17th, 2017. Let me tell you the HILARIOUS story that happened afterwards (well, it's funny to me now anyways).

I graduated from college in 2016, and when I wrote this, I had worked for 1 year at a multi-national laboratory (so spooky lol) and more specifically, within the nutritional chemistry department. Mere days before I made this post, I met with my boss and said "I quit" without having any real plan other than going back to being a barista at a coffee shop since I've always loved serving drinks. Days after I posted this, she came back to me and said "what can I do to get you to stay?" in which I replied "I need to work remotely, TELL you when I'm taking off work instead of requesting it, and also do not wish to be micromanaged but to be trusted and measured by the quality of the work I put out. And a raise, obviously."

I got every single one of those things. Got sucked back in. At least it was on my terms, I thought. Thought.

I kept that position full-time until January 2020. Over those 2 years, I had moved up in my role in the company and was able to also have a full-time career as a Traveling Showgirl. I had moved to Las Vegas, was taking 20+ flights a year, winning Gold and Bronze medals for pole dancing, touring monthly, producing shows with my heroes in Las Vegas and Chicago, publishing a coffee table book, being invited to perform at the Burlesque Hall of Fame, and then I had finally started making enough money being a Showgirl on the Las Vegas Strip to quit the full-time lab gig to focus on my performance and production career. I went down to part-time just a month before the global lockdowns started and the live entertainment industry was absolutely nuked.

When my boss at the lab called me and asked me if I needed to go back to full-time, I begrudgingly did.

By June of 2020, I started my business (Martian Movers LLC) and created the original version of what is now known as the 42 Day Functional Flow Challenge. I saw my family, friends, and fans really start to mentally decline from the isolation so I wanted to help everyone help themselves. Little did I know, it'd end up causing me to also uproot and relocate to Phoenix, Arizona.

When I got to Arizona, I said I NEED TO GET RID OF THIS CORPORATE LAB JOB ONCE AND FOR ALL. So I found myself repeating old habits, looking for a non-alcoholic drink service job. I attended a self-care yoga event and ended up finding a job kavatending (bartending at a kava bar). I was STOKED to have an in-person job interacting with people again! I can find my future clients here and help them prosper, I thought.

Then I ended up taking on the biggest client I ever had - an entire business + every employee in it. I became General Manager of the kava bar and have been there assisting with unblocking the resistance points of Flow (alongside my fiancé 💕) ever since. Nowadays, I'm also working on the launch of my NEW + FREE Functional Flow Academy App so that I can expand my seva (gift to the community) even further.

Nothing is linear. Every day brings a lesson. If you're looking for the "get rich quick" or "30 days to perfection" you will not find it here. I can promise you that consistency over time is what will guarantee a fruitful future and deeply satisfying life experience.

Every "failed" attempt of the past ends up becoming a dress rehearsal for the Grand Show. And when the curtain finally opens, you'll be able to see that it was all for something - something much, much larger than yourself.

If you haven't felt that yet, have faith.

If you haven't felt that in awhile, have hope.

If you feel it now, have gratitude.

The best way to express each of these energies (faith, hope, gratitude) is through the words you choose, the actions you make, and the breaths you take. Your words are powerful. Repeat them enough and like spells, they will create your reality.

xoxo

Marina